Mother
by Earth
Summary: A Li Yelan fic. Yelan's thoughts before sending her son back to Japan


Body Disclaimer: Don't own CCS so don't sue me! 

Ken: A Li Yelan fic, follows the manga. What more can I say? Oh yea, Earth shouting at me to remind you to REVIEW! thank you. oh yea, it's short. 

Mother, by Earth. 

The soft light from the dimly lit hallway briefly illuminates his face as the door opens and closes silently on it's hinges, almost as if on it's own accord. I stand in the shadows of my son's room, watching. My only light is starlight, but it is enough. 

I watch him, his steady rhythmic breathing, the look of utter peace and contentment on his face, a look he wears only in sleep. My little wolf, my precious Xiao-Lang, my only son. And I can't help the tidal wave of pleasure that overcomes me, he's back. Yes, he didn't succeed, but he's_ back_. 

Some would say that I don't show enough outward affection to my son, but they don't realize that that in itself is a measure of my devotion. I protect his honour, I know he is able to take care of himself. Yes he demonstrated _that_ in Japan, at least. But who am I to judge him? I leave that to the elders, but I can sympathize with him. I wonder did the elders feel the loneliness he must have felt during those months in Japan? Did they feel they pain I felt when I let him go? Do they feel the joy I feel now that he's back. These emotions are surprising. They surprise myself, yes outwardly, I am the somewhat cold Clan Mother, but in my heart I am just a _mother_. 

Like all mothers, I want my children to be happy, I'd do almost anything to make them happy. I thought my son would be happy to be home, but he is sad. And until this afternoon I didn't know why.... 

_"Xiao-Lang, why are you so sad?" Feimei asked my son. I watched from the doorway to the garden, hidden within the shadows. Xiao-Lang grunted, then turned away from his sister._

_"Little brother, we know your upset," Sheifa said soothingly._

_"Eleven year-olds shouldn't frown as much as you do!" giggled Fanran._

_"Aren't you glad to be home?" Fermei questioned. _

_Xiao-Lang stood and levelled each of his sisters with a solemn stare, finally he spoke, words that cut through my heart; _

_"Japan is my home now."_

__

__Xiao-Lang sighs softly in his sleepandmurmurs. I sigh myself, at least his dreams are content. My little one, do you truly wish to return? 

_"Xiao-Lang." _

_"Mother." He stands, it's custom, but it makes me feel a little too formal._

_"Please sit, Xiao-Lang." We sit on the garden bench, my son won't look at me, but rather across the gardens. "Xiao-Lang-" the sun is setting, "Why are you sad my son?"_

_"I am not sad mother."_

_"Yes you are little one, I see it in your eyes. You miss it don't you?"_

_He turns to face me, and I can see the sadness their, swimming in the amber eyes of his father, those eyes wrench away from me and find solace in the darkening waters of the Koi pond. All is silent except for the beginning chirps of the first crickets. Finally his answer comes, in a voice as soft as the evening breeze itself._

_"Yes."_

_"And you wish to return."_

_"Yes."_

_A bell tolled from a distant tower, seven times. "Run along Xiao-Lang, you'll be late for your lesson." He paused, uncertain. "Go," I urge, "don't make your sensei wait. You must be responsible if you wish to lead this clan."_

_He rises, and takes a few steps before half turning back to me, "Mother-"_

_"Go, leave a woman to her thoughts little wolf. I will see you later tonight."_

_"Until then mother."_

_"Until then my son."_

__

__A cloud passes over, obscuring my view, and in this sudden darkness I realize I'm loosing him. No, I have already lost him. 

_"Yes?" I look up from my book at the servant's entrance. My children perk up as well from their various places around the room. It's our attempt at a "family time," which involves all of us engrossed within our own tasks, but at least sharing a room._

_"Forgive me ma'am, but a letter has arrived."_

_"Really, for who?"_

_"Xiao-Lang sama."_

_"From who?" my son asks quickly._

_"From a miss..S..Sa." He stumbled over the name._

_"Sakura." Xiao-Lang said, nearly tripping himself on his way to retrieve the letter, his book fell to the floor in his haste, forgotten. He had barely gotten the letter into his hand before he disappeared from the room, but in that brief moment from the servant's announcement and my son's exit I had seen joy, real joy, in Xiao-Lang's eyes._

__

__The cloud has past, once more my son's room is filled with starlight. My eyes drift over this room, once empty for so long, now filled once again. But deep in my heart I know that this too, is not forever. A flash of white catches my eye, the wings of a teddy-bear, given a place of honour on his dresser. Beside it a picture, of my son and another. 

I make my way to this picture, I pick it up and study it. Yes, there is my son, his trademark scowl plastered on his face but there is a forced look about it this time. Beside him is a smiling girl, her jade eyes laugh up at me, challenging me to feel any sorrow in their presence. My son's eyes are full of love. I know this girl, I respect this girl, I could even love this girl. I believe many people in the world love this girl, but I know that none love her as my son loves her. 

I sigh, "Look after him Card Mistress," I whisper to the stars, "for he is my son. And he needs what I can't give him." 

I turn once more to my son's sleeping form. "Be kind to her, my son. For she needs what I can no longer withhold." 

My joy maybe short lived, but my happiness shall endure. I know my son will now be joyful. He shouldn't stay any longer, he has to go back.... 

_So goodbye my little one, but my heart shall always be with you, for you are my son. And I am your mother._

__

_-Fin-_


End file.
